Do-over, do-over!

I'm about 10,000 words deep in a complete rewrite of a novel-length project I failed to sell the first time I wrote it. To say I failed to sell it is perhaps inaccurate, or at least less honest than I try to be. What happened was I wrote it with serialization in a specific online magazine in mind, and they passed because it was too superficially similar to the one other ghost story that had run in the magazine. That it would be rejected felt obvious from jump considering it was my hail Mary attempt to pivot out of the Kindle slop mines and into contracted writing work, and if you know anything about the Kindle slop mines you know it does not fine tune your ability to write fiction to be marketed to 15 year old girls. It was the definition of applying to a qualified job for which one has zero relevant experience. I was submitting a supernatural adventure story to a magazine predominated at that time by fantasy, romance, and (I say this with sincere affection) self-referential otaku literature. I had shown up at the door to a party to which I was not invited, and even ringing the bell was a huge swing. I mean, damn, I had shown up with a banjo when they already had a hired band playing. I was not getting in, and that was on me.

But I also liked the bones of the story I'd written. I continued to write additional volumes regardless of a demonstrated lack of interest outside myself and my writing group. I had avoided revisiting the initial volume written for the teen mag because, as I added material and released my stringent hold on the standards of writing for people buying books for children, the tone and content trended darker. The prospect of returning to a story I'd written to imaginary specifications that didn't excite me was, well, unpleasant. Besides, I was never going to sell any of these anyway.

I can't presently articulate my reasoning for finally returning to it this year, but I think it goes something like this: What is the closest I've ever gotten to selling a story? Well, the gay ghost hunter story is the one. Every other attempt has been met with form rejections, ghosting, or (euphemistically speaking) rudeness.

In addition to this, it's possible I'm finally moving into a mental place where I'm no longer ashamed to have written a story for an audience it failed to find. I misjudged what would be needed to move the project and even what the project needed from me in terms of tonal priority. It's gotten easier to own that I:

1. Did a bad job on a story I cared about.
2. Did said bad job because I was trying to do something I:
-2a. Did not know how to do.
-2b. Did not enjoy doing.

I like this story, but I fucked up and want to do it over. More on how that's going later.